The Hug-A-Holic Chronicles: When Free Hugs Mask Deeper Issues"

I am a hugger.  I mean, a “get in there and hug it out” type of hugger.   When I hug, I mean it.  I want to go toe to toe and feel the hug to the soles of my feet.  And it can be awkward for others.  Because they can wonder WTF is she doing latching on to me.  

I didn’t used to be a hugger.  Well, that it isn’t quite right.  I didn’t even know that hugging people was really something that you could do outside of hugging mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, and aunts and uncles.  My sisters and I sometimes hugged but that was rare.  So when I was in University in Mexico for a semester and was given my first double cheeked kiss followed by a big hug, life changed.  

And I’ve forced it on people.  Sometimes I even introduce myself as D - the one who hugs.  

I’ve had so many awkward hugs over the years but most people seem to settle in nicely to the idea once they are comfortable with what the hug is - a platonic exchange of greeting and energy.  But recently, there has been one woman I’ve been trying to wear down.  She HATES the hug.  I mean deep to her core, it makes her so squeamish; and it got me wondering, how come she doesn’t want the hug? 

Which brought me too the idea of “how come I need to give the hug”.  It lead me down the path of excessive hugging (need for connection) and distrust of the hug (rejecting before you get rejected or other deep rooted wounds connected to intimacy - check out the blog post on this here).

So, to all of the excessive huggers out there like me, spoiler alert:  sometimes it IS just more than a hug and it might be more complicated than just spreading love like confetti and sometimes it is what it seems, a hug is simply that, a hug.

Ever get the feeling that your hug has a little extra sparkle, like it's carrying a secret message? Well, that might be the hug hotline ringing from your subconscious, hinting at something deeper. Turns out, an overflowing cup of hugs can be a signal that there are some unsolved mysteries hiding in the shadows of your psyche. Here are a few clues that your hug game might be dropping hints about underlying issues:

Craving Validation:

Ever noticed yourself doling out hugs like they're validation vouchers? Well, turns out, constantly offering up those bear embraces might be your way of seeking an external stamp of approval. It's like a giant "I'm worthy" banner made of hugs for the world to see.

Swerving Emotional Depths:

Picture this: you're the reigning champion of the hug-a-thon, but somehow, emotional conversations make you break into a cold sweat. Excessive hugging minus the emotional depth? It might just be a savvy strategy to keep those meaningful connections at arm's length.

Dance of the Boundary-less:

For those who are hug-liberal to the point of no return, it's like the concept of personal space took a vacation. This lack of boundary awareness could be a neon sign pointing to some unresolved issues, whether it's struggles with autonomy, trust, or a casual disregard for others' space.

The Rejection Jitters:

Imagine preemptively offering hugs to everyone in sight like you're dealing a deck of connection cards. If you've got the fear-of-rejection jitters, this might be your way of stacking the deck in your favor, using hugs as a shield against the looming possibility of a cold shoulder.

Overcompensating for the Lonely Heart:

Are you the self-proclaimed hug philanthropist, showering everyone with affection like confetti? This excess of physical closeness could be an overcompensation for an unmet need for genuine emotional connection. It's like fighting loneliness one hug at a time.

Shallow Dive into Connections:

So, you've got a knack for doling out hugs but keep relationships at the kiddie pool level. It's like you're building a moat around your emotional castle. A surplus of superficial connections might just be your shield against diving into the deep end, thanks to past hurts or an aversion to the complexities of emotional bonds.

Control Freak Hugs:

Ever thought of hugs as your secret weapon in the battle for social dominance? If you're handing out embraces like a puppeteer pulling the strings, it might be a hint of control issues at play. Manipulating social dynamics, one hug at a time.

Expressive Boundaries? What's That?

If you're as liberal with your hugs as a kid in a candy store, it could be a signal that expressing or enforcing personal boundaries is a bit like navigating through a maze for you. Unresolved core wounds might be the invisible walls making the maze tricky to navigate.

So, the next time you're tempted to launch yourself into another hug-a-thon, take a moment to ask yourself: Am I spreading love, or am I just dodging the emotional therapy waiting in the wings? Here are 6 points to consider:

1. Hug Mania

If you're turning every social gathering into a hugging fiesta, with the price of admission being warm embraces, it might be a cue to explore a different remedy – a way to address those lingering emotional injuries.

2. Hug-a-Thon: When Quantity Trumps Quality

Sure, quality over quantity is a quaint concept, but if you're racking up hugs faster than a squirrel hoards acorns, it might be a sign that your emotional pantry is in need of some serious restocking.

3. The Hug Whisperer: Decoding the Language of Unresolved Issues

Ever met someone who speaks fluent Hug but seems to mumble through the language of emotional depth? If your hugs are doing all the talking while your inner self is sitting in the corner, nursing a cup of tea, it might be time to address those unsaid words and un-hugged feelings.

4. The Boundary Line Dance: Because Personal Space is Overrated

Who needs personal space anyway? If you're waltzing over everyone's boundaries like it's a dance floor at a questionable wedding, it's time to consider whether your "free hugs for all" approach is a clever cover for deeper insecurities or a Ph.D. in boundary issues.

5. Hug Diplomacy: When World Peace Depends on Your Embrace

Dream big, right? But if you're convinced that your hugs could solve world conflicts and end global warming, it might be worth exploring whether your aspirations are compensating for some unresolved inner turmoil. 

6. The Hug Scavenger Hunt: Seeking Validation in Every Squeeze

Congratulations, you've unlocked the achievement of being the reigning champion of the Hug Scavenger Hunt! But if you're seeking validation in every embrace, it's time to ponder whether your hugs are genuine expressions of affection or a well-rehearsed act to fill an emotional void.

It's essential to approach these observations with sensitivity and understanding. Everyone has a unique comfort level with physical touch, and cultural factors can also influence these behaviors. However, when someone's approach to hugging appears compulsive or driven by unresolved issues, it may be worthwhile to explore these underlying challenges through self-reflection or, if needed, with the assistance of a mental health professional.